I’m not sure how to start this little blog of mine. I’ve been wanting to do this for years now but couldn’t find anything that I was so passionate about that I thought it was worth sharing, until now.
I’ve been married for nine months now and I think I’ve figured out the hardest part about being married, and it has nothing to do with my husband. As soon as you get married, EVERYONE starts
asking hounding you about when you’ll be starting a family. This is a dangerous question in my mind. What if we didn’t want kids? What if we weren’t ready, or were pregnant but couldn’t tell anyone yet? And what if we had just discovered that we would need IVF to conceive? Well our reality is that my fallopian tubes are blocked and therefore, to start our family we will need in-vitro fertilization. IVF! We need IVF?! Shit, this is real life.
At first, I was in denial. I went for a routine test to be sure my tubes were open so that we could move forward to find some lesser reason why I wasn’t getting knocked up. The HSG was painful, which I was later told is more painful for women with blocked tubes – as if knowing you have blocked tubes isn’t bad enough. Right there in the room where the procedure was done at the hospital, the Nurse Practitioner from my RE’s office said, “I’m sorry but it appears that both of your fallopian tubes are blocked. IVF is a good option for you.” As I often do when I’m uncomfortable, I cracked some sort of joke about getting periods every month for no reason, and left the hospital. Shame began to set in. How would I tell my husband? How would we tell everyone else?
I realize now this is nothing to be ashamed of and that it makes more sense to share my story than to internalize all of my feelings. My husband and I were meant to be parents and we will be. This will work. It has to work. Please work.