After my 8 week scan I was officially released from my RE’s office. I wasn’t ready for it. It was an emotional appointment. My nurse came and greeted me after my ultrasound and walked me to ‘The Tree of Hope’ where I was able to stamp two sets of footprints, one for each of my babies. Tears started to well up in my eyes. I didn’t want to leave this place that had taken such good care of me for the last 6 months. She hugged me, and I cried. She told me to come back with a big ol’ belly to visit and to not be shy with pictures once they have arrived. The hardest part about leaving my RE is that I will go from weekly ultrasounds to practically none at my OB. I think they do 2 over the course of a pregnancy. Maybe because I’m high risk from IVF and because of the twins I’ll get more? It would be nice to see them more often. I was instructed to stop taking my progesterone because the babies placentas were now big enough to sustain them on their own. My thoughts were, ‘Um…are you sure? Just three days ago I took my last progesterone late and had spotting right away.’ I was terrified. I was to stop back in two days for blood work to make sure my levels were good. Sure enough, no spotting and my levels didn’t dip at all. It’s pretty incredible that once the twins hit the 8 week mark, they didn’t need my outside help anymore. They’re so independent, ha! My first OB appointment is Monday but I believe I’m just meeting with one of the nurses to get started with basic information and some sort of future plan. We’ll see how this goes.
We feel extremely grateful that we get to have these two babies be a part of our lives. It’s exactly what we wished for. Dreams really do come true. However, I can say that I feel an overwhelming (at times) sense of guilt. There is a very large Instagram group of women who are trying to conceive. We follow each other, send encouraging messages, mourn together and celebrate together. It isn’t lost on me that many of these women have faced more struggles and loss than I have. For that, I feel guilty. Some have been through multiple IUI’s, multiple IVF’s and FET’s and still have not been able to get pregnant or bring home a healthy baby. Obviously I’m not completely out of the woods yet, and probably won’t ever feel out of the woods until I have my two babies in my arms, but I’ve made it farther than some in our very first fertility cycle. I truly believe my success is a mix of things. My wonderful RE did all kinds of tests before just putting me on Clomid, which would normally be step 1 for some. After determining that I would need IVF, she did more testing to make sure my uterus was in shape enough to accept a pregnancy. When she discovered polyps she removed them and said it’s likely that a miscarriage would’ve happened if we hadn’t removed them. In addition, the month leading up to my cycle I drastically changed my diet. I stopped eating sour patch kids (which was a food group in itself for me), I began eating avocado to increase the amount of good fat in my diet. I ate that crap every.single.day. I cut out caffeine other than the small amount naturally found in chocolate. I also prayed more than I ever have in my life, people prayed for us, people sent their positivity and encouragement. Our RE’s office is nationally recognized. They are doing multiple studies at a time to further research and development for ARTs. Their success rates are some of the highest in the country (68-70%). All of these things helped us, but there are women who aren’t as lucky and I hate that.